Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads this week made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Of course it all started when I posted my first personal ad and asked my perfect house to find me, which it did and now I live in Hoppy House.
And yes, I still sing “We have Hoppy House!” to the tune of Iron Man. And no, that’s not embarrassing. Okay, maybe a little.
Anyway, I’m thinking maybe this will become my Sunday ritual.
Because did you read some of the comments from last Monday? Oh. My. God. The most beautiful and amazing stories and requests ever. Plus Andrew even started a ning group for them.
So, to be fair, I don’t quite know what that means either, but yet again I am completely in awe of the stuff that happens here.
Shall we?
Thing 1: More time in my Angel Refueling Station.
Here’s what I want:
Well, I guess what I want is reminders to help me spend more time there.
My Angel Refueling Station is my wonderful little meditation closet, where most of the wackiness you read about here tends to happen.
It owes its name to the fabulous Fabeku who likes to remind me that “even angels need refueling sometimes”.
And I don’t refuel often enough.
Right now I spend about 45 minutes there each morning when I get up. And I go there if something sets me off. If I’m feeling upset or hurt. But that’s pretty much it.
So I want things that will remind me to go there before I need it. Or just for a quick break. Or just because I can.
Ways these reminders could come to me:.
- I could write little notes and hide them around the house.
- My brother and my gentleman friend and my assistant could gently shoo me there in a loving, non-guiltified way.
- Magic. Like … something could just remind me.
- Any other possibility. I’m willing to be surprised.
My commitment.
I will not pressure myself to spend more time there than I have capacity for.
I always treasure the time I spend there.
I use this space as a way to work on having healthy boundaries in my life.
I will keep it neat and tidy and well-stocked with incense, pillows and whatever other incredibly hippie accoutrements make me happy when I’m there.
Thing 2: Fabulous success with my scary thing tomorrow!
Here’s what I want:
So I’m doing something I’ve never done before and offering something in my business in a way I’ve never done before. Not here on the site. Somewhere else. It’s a weird feeling.
Anyway, I want it to be like this:
For the energy around this to be clear and powerful.
I want to be able to separate the amazing thing I am putting out to the world from my own residual stuckified stuff around invisibility and smallification.
The Right People for this thing I’m offering will get that zap of yes, this is it. And the people who are not the Right People yet (or at all) won’t have to interact with it.
The entire thing will be a sensational success that will knock me over with how great it is and I will wonder why I ever doubted that it was anything other than a genius thing to do.
Here’s how I want it to happen:
Everyone who is ready for the braintastic magic that is Shiva Nata will feel the sweet buzzing this-is-me this-is-me and will be drawn to the things that it can give them.
It will find them. And they will find it. By email forwarding. By an eye focusing on the right part of a page. By a pull. By a tug. By passion. By love. By coincidence. By right timing.
Ways this could work:
I’m pretty much open to anything.
My commitment.
I will acknowledge that yeah, this is me doing something that is new and potentially hard, and treat myself in a really caring, considerate way because this is a big deal for me.
I will give myself credit for taking the time to work on my stuff around this and shift some of the stuck.
I will say thank you for each good thing that comes out of this experience, and I will take anything that is hard straight to the Angel Refueling Station.
Thing 3: Help for Chris.
Here’s the situation:
Actually, I don’t know exactly what the situation is.
But Chris is supposed to be on his way to Saudi Arabia because his plane flies home from there, but there were complications with visas and passports and misunderstandings and bureaucratic ridiculousness.
So what I’m requesting for Chris is some kind of happy resolution.
I don’t know what it is, but I want stuff to work out for him in some way.
Ways this could happen:
- Something could turn up.
- He could get a reasonable flight from somewhere else to where he needs to go.
- Kind, understanding, accommodating people could show up in his life, at the airports, at the Embassies.
- Something else that I can’t think of that ends up being the perfect — or at least a feasible — solution to his conundrum.
- I’m also wishing for some kind of neat silver lining thing to come out of this experience.
My commitment.
I am going to wish really good things for Chris.
And I am going to ask you guys to wish really good things for Chris.
And hope that he has a safe, healthy, happy rest-of-trip and comes back to Portland with some great stories.
Thing 4: The Snake Charmers should totally win Best Blues Band in Houston!
Here’s what I want:
The Snake Charmers is a super rocking blues band. Their album is one of my favorites (I give it to everybody and listen to it almost every day).
I got to meet Marie (the singer) in Austin and she’s just as amazing in person as she is on Twitter.
And I happen to know that, despite being a totally sexy rock star, she is way too shy to ask for stuff.
Also, she has a thing about thinking that asking for what you want is like “shameless self-promotion”, which as we all know is a thing whose existence I have issues with.
Here’s what I want to happen:
I want every single person who reads this blog to go to Snakecharmers.net where there is a very thorough explanation of how to vote.
And I want Marie to really get what a terrific thing this is. Already in the top five possibilities in a city (Houston) that is full of great blues bands?
Because they’re that good. And I would love it if she realized that yeah, she’s a star and her music brings joy and meaning to our lives.
So there.
You can vote for The Snake Charmers (they’re #23) for the Houston Press Music Awards until July 26. You don’t have to live in Houston. Click the “no thanks” boxes and you won’t get mail from anyone.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads and what’s going on with them.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I still don’t have my hangers. But for some reason I’m not worried about it. They’ll come.
And I know where I’m taking my bag of clothing! It just came to me.
There’s a “take what you want”-style free-box at the local anarchist collective.
Which is exactly the kind of place where I used to take stuff (and get stuff) when I lived in Berlin. In fact, just thinking of it makes me picture Angie and her Italian girlfriend wearing my Harley shirts.
I have to walk by there next week anyway. So that’s where it’s going.
Thanks for all your beautiful ideas and suggestions. Really, really appreciated!
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want:
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
- Thoughts or ideas about ways any of the personal ads listed here could come true.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committed to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and I will interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible for me.
Even though asking for what I want out loud (or in pixels) is challenging for me, I’m committing to this just-trying-it thing and I’m meeting myself where I am.
That’s it! Thanks for doing this with me. You guys rock.
p.s. I promised Claire I’d write about how I went about asking for doctors, and I promised someone else I’d write about some of the elements of a powerful ask, so I’ll do that too. Soon.
Follow
Havi – I really like the concept of the “angel refueling station”. Hope you get to spend the amount of time that you need in it each day.
So I asked for a “day for me” and I got it yesterday! Even though the weather was cold and dreary, it was still a wonderful day. Finally got out on my bike and even though I was rained on the second part of the ride, it was okay. It reminded me just how much I love getting on the bike and just meandering around with no set agenda. So wonderful, that I did it again this morning! Today was full of sunshine. What a delight!
I’m still struggling with acquiring the right mindset that allows me to deal with life’s ups and downs without burying my feelings in food. It is frustrating because I know how much better I would feel being 20 pounds lighter than I am. And yet, I continue to sabotage my efforts. So I’m asking for that mental clarity and grounding that will allow me to escape the food prison that I’ve been in for 48 years.
Thanks for providing this safe place to ask for what we need and for modeling how to do it!
Yesterday I left a comment not even asking, just explaining my need for more posts aimed at lower income people. Today, Trent at The simple dollar wrote this: http://tinyurl.com/nch9v2 I imagine asking directly would have been even better. Thanks Havi and Trent, y’all both make my life better.
steve weavers last blog post..Wading through the trash so Y’all don’t have to!
I am holding all of these personal ads in my heart for you. Good luck!
Wearing a ring or bracelet that you really like might remind you to meditate if you put that intention into it when you put it on. Then when you noticed it on your hand/arm it would remind you to head in to refuel.
(I hope that isn’t a should, I got the idea from MJ Ryan’s This Year I Will, and I love it, so I am offering it in kindness not shouldheadedness)
Those personal ads are awesome! Mine hasn’t manifested yet; however, I’ve been reading a lot of stuff astrology-wise about how there should be a shake up in my career and finances come July 7th, so that would be interesting. At the very least, I don’t have to worry about it till early August at the latest.
I would like to ask for a functioning computer. I have a laptop, but first the hard drive died, then the main partition is borked so I can’t even reinstall Windows or boot up from something else. The most I can do is load Ubuntu on CD and then look at stuff. I haven’t touched it for a while as I’m planning to get back to Brisbane, backup everything (that’s where my external harddrive is), and then reinstall stuff.
This could come in the following ways:
* A new external harddrive gifted to me before I return to Brisbane so I can backup everything earlier (or something else that accomplishes this)
* My computer will suddenly function again and stay functioning for a few more years at least (I got it late 2007)
* I get a new computer that is much MUCH better at staying alive
I commit to taking care of my computer, doing regular backups (my external is now not leaving my sight!!), and learning more about how to maintain my computer. You’d think I get this, since I’ve been using computers since I was 2 and I’m turning 24, but argh.
Also: There are a few arts and festivals opportunities that look interesting. The people I train with in circus have a street performance project and a physical theatre project thing, there are some bigger arts festivals popping up this year, and two main TV stations in Australia are auditioning for presenters.
My request: To obtain favourable and pleasant results from applying to these opportunities, preferably in a way that allows me to sustain my journey through them (e.g. paid employment, expenses covered, sponsorship, etc).
This would mainly come from my applications being accepted, but I am also open to alternative arrangements being made that would have been better than the thing I applied for in the first place.
I commit to placing my applications, putting my best effort in, and being open to new opportunities. Also if you know of any other options that myself and/or The Merch Girl can do, let me know!
Tiaras last blog post..How to love yourself: A must-read/watch.
I have something I’d like to as for:
Clarity for my day and my week. To feel relaxed, not panicked, and like I’m doing the things that are most important and in front of me. To get a grip on how to organize and execute and be cool about upcoming Big Stuff (moving in a month, painting and repairing the apartment, going on a two-week work trip before then).
How I’d like this to happen:
Easily and intuitively. Like I just drift up and into the right thing to be doing, without guilty fuss or second-guessing or overwhelm. And with acceptance, so whatever I do is the right thing and is fine.
My commitment:
I really like your commitment – of interacting with the stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible. I’m going to borrow it.
Germinationals last blog post..Germinational: @fabeku – OMG congrats on your new site! It’s lovely to see the thing that you’ve been working so hard on turn out so beautifully.
Oh God, I’m having a Wayne’s World, “I’m not worthy!” moment.
Havi, I can never thank you enough for asking people to vote for us. I just don’t even know how to put my head around that.
I know my blithering over asking people to do such a crazy thing prompted this but I hope hope hope that I didn’t apply some kind of weird asking energy because I never meant to do that.
My whining was more like mumbling to yourself while walking down the street.
That point is, thank you, thank you, thank you beyond infinity.
And oh! I just posted my ads on my blog. Let’s see if they work there 😉
Tiaras last blog post..Personal ads for the soul
Since the thing I want most desperately right now is a thesis theme… I decided to start with that.
Here’s what I want:
* A theme that may be hard to grasp at first, but that will unfold beautifully once comprehended.
* A theme that’s specific enough that I can make a relevant contribution.
* A theme that’s generic enough that at least a couple other people care about my results.
* A theme that challenges me and invites me to go deep into the fields I love.
* A theme that helps me figure out where I want to go from here.
* A theme that’s elegant.
* A theme that’s fun!
Here’s what I don’t want:
* A theme that’s lumpy and stitched together and has no real unit.
* A theme that has no formal relevance and just represents a solution to a practical problem.
* A theme that doesn’t make me learn a lot.
* A theme that has no beauty.
How it could come to me:
* Maybe I’ll come across an open problem in a paper and realize I could look into it.
* Maybe I’ll dig an idea from an old textbook that was furthered years ago but no one really looked into.
* Maybe I’ll be working hard on a survey of the area I’m interested in and at some point I’ll find a “crack” where I can work.
* Maybe my advisor will have a brilliant idea and tell me about it…
* Maybe it’ll just come to me. I’m certainly willing to be surprised.
My commitment:
* I will work hard.
* I will do the very best I can with this theme, and I will extract my advisor’s best from him, too.
* I will not let myself be overwhelmed by frustration. Even when it’s hard, I’ll keep working.
* I will go after the foundations, be them in math, linguistics, or comp sci.
* I will not cut my thesis short because of time issues. I will pursue this theme until I have a solid, worthy thesis, even if it delays my personal plans.
Wow, that was long. Probably because this matters so much to me! 🙂 Let’s see what the wind brings now…
Havi!
I’m so glad you took a look at our Ning group!
Very exciting in a shy, “OMG I got mentioned by someone really cool” kind of way. 😀
I’m sure Chris will find a safe way home and have an awesome, adventurous story to tell about it. He always does get through these kinds of things.
My current want at the moment?
Wanted:
A muse (Tim Ferriss definition) to fund my two dreamlines.
I am NOT willing to trade my soul or do anything unethical along the way.
Commitment:
I promise that along the way I will do my best to help others recognize their dreams and give them experiences they will cherish for a lifetime.
Andrews last blog post..The Question: Now, or Later?
I love love love these personal ads. And I’m keeping my fingers crossed for all of them to happen in the absolutely best possible way.
This encourages me to continue with my own personal ads, which are like little bits of magic.
And the part about you singing “We Have Hoppy House!” to the tune of Iron Man? This is officially in my top three favorite things I’ve read here EVER.
I voted! And wishing Chris the best silver lining available in our universe for the travel mess.
I’ve made some amazing discoveries while pondering all the magic happening here, to wit:
1. When I ask myself, “What do you want?” I panic and quickly conjure a sphere of nothingness to engulf whatever I might accidentally find out. Then I can say to myself, “Gosh, I don’t know what I want. Too bad. Choose at random.”
2. I apparently have a secret rule that if I think a thing can’t happen, I’m not allowed to wish for it–so no wishing for a rocket car, and no wishing for someone I love not to suffer so much because of her illness.
Weird, huh? While I’m thinking about those, and other insights about the secret rules which govern my brain when I’m not looking, I’m making a gesture of serious frivolity:
I want to find a perfect, keep-it-forever, oh my gosh that smells incredible, perfume. A perfume that isn’t scarily chemical and manufactured in gigantic vats, that doesn’t make me break out, that will be around for at least ten years, and maybe forty. A perfume that everyone in my house likes, and that I fall in love with. And it should have a fabulous name. Because smelling yummy is actually important.
P.S. I was thinking that my other ad wasn’t answered yet, but then I realized that I’ve been blogging again, after a long, long hiatus. My wish was granted. MY WISH CAME TRUE. Now I have to go away and think about that, too. Wow.
Melyndas last blog post..Music for All Occasions: Power Femme Edition
About two weeks ago I finally decided to start working on an idea that wanted to be born for me for which I was going to need a logo and a designer.
I did a little meditation to be connected with my Right Person, and then posted my request on a forum to which I belong.
Within 15 minutes I had the name and contact info of a fantastic designer who totally “got” what I was looking for.
And then about 15 minutes after that I literally had money fall out of the sky into my lap to be able to pay him with. And even though he said that normally the price for this work was a bit higher, when I told him the story of how I found him and the money, he was happy to do the work for the amount I’d received.
SO COOL!
Jenny Ryans last blog post..Things That Make You Say, “What?!”: Newspaper Ads
I am so loving these! And I like that it feels okay to ask for the same thing, if it’s taking some time, or for something else, if that’s what’s needful at the moment. Because you make asking for what you want or need really okay.
Thing #1: I would like Havi to click the comment luv post link below this comment and go enjoy Writer Havi and Artist Me, fairies who flew into my head and forced me to make time to draw them. It would be especially keen if it made Havi smile.
Writer Havi’s typewriter is currently offscreen, since I realized I had no idea what kind of typewriter she really had, and felt that absent was better than wrong. 😉
My commitment here is hitting “submit” on this comment! *g*
Thing #2: I would like very much, dear Universe, for this week to go smoothly, and for the pussyfooting clients and clients-to-be to put their feet down and give me checks, and work. If I have to have half a dozen meetings in 3 days this week, I would like to see some result other than money spent on tea & pizza. I would especially like it if I could get some projects scheduled in such a way as to give me a little money for Azkatraz, but enough space/time to enjoy the con if I get there.
My commitment is to try to be proud of my work and confident in my skills; to be present and aware of the time these projects will take and not overcommit; and to keep working on the personal projects I have whether or not new work comes in right away.
Thing #3: I would like very much, dear Brain, to stop avoiding Shiva Nata. Yes, I accept your excuse of busy with deadline (done now), wrists hurty from too much computer work (again, done now), etc. But those excuses have passed, and it’s time to start taking care of myself in this small but significant way.
My commitment is to try to make time at least 3 times this week to do at least 5 minutes of Shiva Nata, and not let the actuality of results scare me off the moment they happen. Erm, again. *cough*
Amy Crooks last blog post..Inner Creative Fairies
So my first wish from the universe was a new, improved website/blog setup. Wish granted- thanks to a great designer I met via the ittybiz speakeasy.
Next on my wish list: a community of moms. But not just any old moms. Moms who are ready to find and claim their superpowers and use them for good in the world.
I want to earn a living coaching and supporting them to do their thing in the biggest, best way they can, improving their lives, the lives of their families and the lives of those in the wider community (locally or globally) all at the same time.
I really want to inspire an international movement of moms who are ready to kick ass, take names and change the world. (but that’s too scary to ask for!)
How I’d like this to happen: slowly enough that I don’t get overwhelmed and quickly enough that I don’t give up and can earn a reasonable income.
One mom at a time reading the blog, subscribing, hanging out and stepping up. She tells her coolest friends who tell their coolest friends and so on and so on.
My commitment: to show up myself as the biggest and best I can be. To put myself out there in writing, in person and online. To not let the “but I’m not ___ enough” voice run the show.
Lizs last blog post..What don’t you have time for?
Wow. Marie is Peggy Lee in jeans. That’s a tough blues voice.
thanks.
Wow, Havi! This post was like a neon sign saying, “What are you waiting for? Write your ad already!”
So I did. It’s here. (Hope I got that link right – if not, it’s listed as my comment luv post, too!)
Thank you for sharing this technique with us. Really excited to see where it leads us all!
Victoria Brouhards last blog post..My Own Itty Bitty Personal Ad
Man, these are so, so great!
@Jenny, your story almost made me cry. That is incredible.
@Victoria – yay for you for writing *and* for posting. That’s big, powerful stuff.
@Marie – oh, not at all! The only asking energy you put out is the kind I’m constantly trying to get people to put out. 🙂
I mean, it’s in your heart. You totally didn’t hint that I should do this or something — I just really, really wanted to because I believe in your work in a huge way.
Anyway, hope that I didn’t accidentally trigger discomfort for you, and sending you love and wishes for fabulousness in Houston and beyond.
@Amy – ohmygod! Writer Me! And Artist You! That is the best thing in the entire world.
I love it. And am so completely honored. And smiley. That is a BRILLIANT depiction of Writer Me. Awesome. Thank you!
I’m asking for my husband’s business to get sold this week, for all the paperwork stuff to get worked out smoothly and easily so we can celebrate.
Personal ad: Sweet, quirky couple and their 4 kitty cats looking for their dream house. You’ll show up with ease and flow and no stress. You will be quirky like we are, but strong and well-made with no structural, electrical, heating, roofing, or plumbing issues. You will have 3 bedrooms, a sun-lit art studio space, a finished basement for music recording, and a bathtub I can fully stretch out and soak in. Your kitchen will have a gas stove and lots of light. You’ll have a porch to relax in, a deck to grill on, a lawn to play on, and a spot to grow vedgies. Your floors (except the kitchen and baths) will be hardwood. You will be filled with light and have lots of windows. You’ll have an attached garage to park our cars in, you’ll be surrounded by beautiful trees, near a babbling brook, and within walking distance of a coffee shop and library. You’ll be in a friendly neighborhood in a town with great schools and wooded trails to stroll in. We’ll bring loads of love and laughter, lots of art to decorate your walls, music to fill your rooms, and kitties to sleep in your sunny spots. All the mortgage paperwork and inspections will go through smoothly and you will be so thrilled to welcome us home!
leahs last blog post..Wreck This Journal with Smooshy Paint!
Havi, I absolutely love the one about the Angel Refuelling Station. I’ve been taking more time for my inner self recently, and I can’t overstate the difference it’s made. (When I want to remind myself of something I just use my phone, but that may not work for you.)
I wrote a personal ad last week! But I can’t tell you what it’s for yet, because I’m still too scared. I’ll tell you when I feel less unready.
Today’s ad is about my first novel, which I’m trying to finish.
The situation: I started work on this novel YEARS ago (*cough*1999*cough*). The fifth draft is coming along nicely. But I stopped writing a few months ago (mostly owing to a massive home extension project, which we’re just finishing up), and I haven’t got back to it. I need to do some research to flesh out my climactic scenes, about Northern Irish police interviewing methods and the British Intelligence Services, and I don’t know how to find a way into it.
What I want: Something that will spur me into doing the work necessary to get this book out into the world. I want it to feel energetic, immediate and exciting again, rather than an oppressive obligation that I’m avoiding. I want to ride a wave of motivation big enough to carry my monsters along with it, so that we cross the finish line before they even know what’s going on.
How it might happen:
* A book recommendation, a news item, a website, a conversation – something sparks off a chain of ideas in my head, and I find elegant solutions to my narrative problems.
* I look for expert help (e.g. from an academic researching the relevant area), and it’s given, and I am reassured that these elements of my story will come across as plausible.
* Any other possibility.
My commitments:
* I’ll follow any lead that presents itself.
* I’ll believe in my book. I’m a good writer. It’s a good novel. There is an audience out there waiting for it.
I reckon I’ll be back to write another ad when I need an agent 🙂
I’m loving all things personal-ad here!
I’ve since changed the gist of my personal ad, because I realized I was asking for the cart before I got the horse.
Update: Organizing/productivity coach seeks insight from creative professionals in her local area and worldwide. I want to hear and read what you need, rather than trying to tell you when there’s really no way I could know. I promise to listen and read with an open heart and find ways to meet you where you are and to offer my services and support in ways that will honor and support you. I will be humble and hopefully not too cheesy.
Catherine Cantieri, Sorteds last blog post..Land of the free, home of the Sorted
@Christine – forgot to thank you for the ring idea. LOVE it! And I definitely got that it was offered in kindness and not in shouldheadedness (best word ever) so thank you for that too. 🙂
@Catherine – awesome. I often go back and revise personal ads and I always enjoy what a weirdly fluid medium it is. That the ask can change shape so many times.
So good for you for giving yourself permission to reevaluate. That’s terrific.
@Lean – wow. I can’t wait to read your book when it is ready for the world.
@Leah – hooray! That sounds like a fantastic house. I’m sure it will be very happy to find you guys.
Okay, here goes.
My situation: I’m a seventeen-year-old dropout who’s really scared of school, and even more scared of getting a job. On top of that I have a form of OCD that’s quite nasty.
Right now, I want most to be able to travel.
So, Ad #1: I want to get an idea/suggestion/inspiration for a way to start working on an income (maybe something web based, I don’t know), or more than one, but something I would be able to enjoy and will want to work hard on. It will be a project that will serve my higher purpose, and with enough hard work on my part it will be enough to support me. Ideally, it is something I can maintain/work on once I start travelling.
What I want: Anything I will enjoy, anything that has a spark of passion in it, and will help me grow and learn. Something I can easily follow. Something that serves my higher purpose and leaves me inspired instead of drained to work on.
What I would like to avoid: Something soulless, anything that will feel painful to work on, anything that involves school and/or a job (Oh god please no), anything that just leaves me clueless/frustrated. I would like it to be not too scary, but it’s up to you, universe. I know you’ll give me the best you can.
How it could enter my life: Perhaps a friend of the family mentions something regarding it that inspires me, maybe my parents spot something they think I would like, maybe my brother mentions something, maybe I stumble across an internet link. Or, because I know the universe loves doing this: Surprise me.
My commitment: I will work as hard as I can to the best of my ability without “losing it”, I will make an effort to be more courageous. When I lose hope and want to give up I will be more gentle with myself and ride it out instead of getting caught up with it. I’ll do my best to be more loving with myself. I will try not to dismiss everything that shows up.
Personal Ad #2:
My situation: Bad OCD.
What I would like: For it to leave me alone so that I may enjoy my life and expand my horizons in ways I haven’t been able to because of it.
What I would like to avoid: For it to swarm me like it has the last week or so.
My commitment: I know that the OCD is here to protect me from expectations that will let me down, and from getting hurt. I also know it’s trying to protect me from new things that could end up humiliating if, say, people could read my mind. My commitment is to learn to touch people without freaking out and to accept love that I haven’t been able to before thanks to this, so that the OCD’s place in my life may grow redundant and so that it can pass on knowing I’m safe without it.
Havi,
This is such a wonderful concept. I’ve been shy to ask but for some reason the other day my inner clouds parted momentarily and I saw that I don’t have to be or do anything other than my “right” thing. So I began another blog. (The first one isn’t ready for the world.)
So the situation is: I’m not completely clear on what my right thing is. My inspiration is what I see around me and the love I feel in experiencing a moment visually and capturing with a camera, sharing it with others, hoping that these feelings are conveyed the way I experience them.
What I want: I want to be savvy and smart and express myself in such a way that other people are crazy curious to see the next thing I take a picture of and what I have to say about it. I want to put these things in a book that speaks to all kinds of people. I want this book to give me opportunities to travel to places I’ve dreamed of, giving me once in a lifetime opportunities to take pictures and write about them so that other people feel like they are right there with me. Kind of like dreaming. And in the process of this, I want quiet all around me, and peace. And I want to move into a home that nourishes my spirit and keeps me safe. And I also desperately want to be free from emotional eating, and have the excitement each day to love a routine and love taking care of myself.
How this might happen:
People begin learning about my blog by stumbling upon it in a search, clicking the link from a comment I make.
I’m taking a picture of something and someone approaches me with information about who to contact to take the next right step toward these wants.
I ask questions in comments I make on other sites and blogs.
For the peace and quiet and wonderful new place to live, it could be that nobody moves in next to me until I leave my current place, and I move into the next one. It could also be that someone needs a wonderful tenant and they find that I am a perfect fit.
I connect with someone who inspires me to do the things I need to in order to be free of this oppressive scary big monster of emotional eating.
And any other happy surprise kismet sort of experience. I’ll be grateful for it all.
My commitment:
I promise to be gentle and encouraging with the scared little part of myself who doesn’t think that this wonderful thing could happen.
I will continue to remember that what I realized when my inner clouds parted is true.
I will work each day on taking pictures and posting them and believing that the words I write and those pictures I post have an impact on others.
I will show up each day in my effort to be free.
I will exercise physically and emotionally. And I will remember to say thank you to the universe and to others.
Well, for being shy, I really jumped in with both feet! Thank you Havi, for the opportunity and the space to try this out…
(I’m not even going to apologize asking for this yet again – and let me make it perfectly clear…)
I want my man. My one man. Now and Forever.
To show up – and stay! – with ease, grace, love, security, and a damn lot of laughter. And if he can DANCE, I will hire Marie for our wedding because I LOVE the blues!
I’ve done everything I must do to make this happen.
There is nothing left that needs changing or fixing.
I am not stuck.
I am simply ready.
(Yes, my dear mom, I know that I’m picky, but I only need to find ONE…)
The situation:
I’m moving and I HATE MOVING. I hate everything about moving. I hate packing. I hate carrying boxes and furniture up and down stairs (moving from 2nd floor of building in NC to 3rd floor of building in MD). I hate driving long distances. I hate driving with my cats, who hate being in their carriers and cry the whole time. I hate unpacking. I hate that I get so stressed while moving that I end up eating crappy foods and then feel even worse when said crappy foods settle into my stomach. I hate the feeling of being a burden to my friends (and boyfriend) who are helping haul my stuff around. I hate taking time away from my ittybiz to being doing all this moving stuff.
What I want:
* The peace of mind to be able to see the bright side of moving.
* The patience to not come completely undone by stress during the move.
* A brighter and better life in MD and success for my ittybiz.
How it might happen:
* I could find free boxes somewhere.
* I could discover some money somewhere in my apartment while packing.
* My boyfriend could be not like every other man I’ve ever moved with (short-tempered and angry for the whole move).
* The friends we’ve recruited to help move could be super strong and fast and not complain about helping.
* My cats could sleep on the way to MD instead of yowling for the whole trip.
* The new place could be super fun and fast to set up.
My commitments:
* I’ll try not to sink into pity party mode.
* I’ll ask my vet if there are ways to keep my kitties calm during the drive.
* I’ll try not to assume that other people hate helping me move as much as I hate moving myself.
E. Foley | Geek’s Dream Girls last blog post..Dear Anon-O-Box: I Just Don’t Care About Dating Anymore
Hi Havi
I love the idea of the personal ads, and so far it has worked for me to find the wonderful place i now live in with the husband. YAY for personal ads!
So I am leaving a lil ad here:
What I want:
I want a part-time job that pays me €1500/month net so I can quit my current job and spend the spare time that the part-time job will give me working on my own business. I have been working 2 jobs and the dance for a while now and I am exhausted. I would like if this part-time job was in one of my areas (translation and/or project management) so I could do it easily and with little stress. I want this part-time job to be in a non-stressful, non-guilt-ridden environment, and I want to work with good souls.
Ways this could happen:
– one of the dozens of applications to teach dance at studios might come through
– my current job might offer part-time positions as a cost-saving measure
– one of the several CVs I sent out will return with a part-time job for me
– any other way the universe chooses – i am open!
My comitment:
– I will be thankful for this part-time job and I will perform it to the best of my ability
– I will use the wages coming from this part-time job to pay my bills every month
– I will use my newly found spare time wisely working on my business BUT also: resting, dancing more, doing more yoga and meditation
There it is 🙂
thanks for giving me the opportunity to place my ad here Havi 🙂
Much love
Tatty
Tatty Franeys last blog post..Global Edition #13
Well! I have a simple, practical want.
Wanted: easy-to-cook recipes for one.
I have issues with “feeding myself”, and “feeding myself” for me quite often means “have a sandwich”. I’d like to have more variety in my diet, and work to reduce carbs some more, as I’m diabetic (I’ve already done quite a good job reducing sugar). The recipes should meet the following criteria:
-They should not trigger my food phobia issues. I have a massive food phobia involving green veg. So no cabbage, cauliflower, zucchini, peas, lettuce, broccoli, celery, etc.
-They should be relatively easy to cook. On a work night, which is when my “feeding myself” issues are at their worst, I’m about capable of sticking some ingredients in a baking dish or casserole dish or roasting tin and letting them cook for a while. Chopping stuff up, is usually beyond me!
-They should also take 45 minutes or less to be ready once they are put in the oven.
-They should not include bread! I have enough “on toast” recipes to last me a lifetime and I eat too much bread as it is.
Optional criteria:
-If the recipes could produce leftovers, so I don’t have to cook every night and can still have yummy food every night, that would be great.
-If the recipes could feature the vegetables that I do eat, which are mostly tomatoes and mushrooms, that would also be great.
-It would be awesome if they could be low-carb or not include carbs in the recipe so I can add/supplement my own.
-If some of them were also low-ish in fat? That would be fabulous. But that is very optional.
How they could come to me:
-Someone could send me a message with links to some great recipes online – via email, Twitter, comments on my blog or journal, or reply comments in this blog.
-I could find the perfect recipe book in a charity shop or second hand bookshop.
-There could be fabulous recipes on the first page of a Google search.
-Any other method really, I’m open to surprises.
My commitment:
-I will be grateful for the recipes.
-I will try the recipes out as much as I can.
-I will use these recipes to take better care of myself.
Lucy Viret (aka randomling)s last blog post..On the stories I tell myself.
OK, that last ad of mine about financial security? Guess what popped up on Twitter this evening:
Welcome to the Awesome Foundation for Arts and Sciences
We support people doing awesome things in the world. Every month we give out a grant. Information on how to submit follows.
http://www.awesomefoundation.org/
OMG. I’ve been wishing for a grant for EXACTLY THIS for who knows how long, and it shows up! I’ve just applied, and hopefully I’ll get a good response.
I’ve also sent out one of my applications, so now we wait!
Tiaras last blog post..Personal ads for the soul
Wanted: one job for C. Must be near a city, but not in the backyard of either set of parents. Please provide enough compensation to boost C’s self-esteem. Flexibilty a must; long hours OK. Contact us through word-of-mouth, fortunate web searches.
Laura Gs last blog post..Help us pick our wedding song — Round Two (part 2)!
Writing the personal ads has been an interesting and fun process, but the resistance to actually publishing any of them, especially the ones most important to me, is tremendous! So here’s one of the scariest ones (to me) to put out here:
Wanted: perfect, happy solution to the possible foreclosure on our home.
Will include affordable payments at the income level we enjoy now, staying in our home as owners or co-owners, reasonable interest rate, straightforward and easy to understand terms, preferably a simple mortgage, no big payments or surprise deadlines.
My commitment: to make payments cheerfully and on time, to improve the property for our own enjoyment and the benefit of our neighbors and tenants, and to contribute to a happy, mutually supportive community.
Anna-Lizas last blog post..The Many “Me”s of Pollyanna
Darling Havi,
I just love these! As you know, the love letter to my Future House worked out lovely and now I LIVE in my Future Perfect House. Yay!
This week, my first week of self-employment, I need reassurance, support and success. I have specific goal that I’d like to reach that will both provide for my needs and give the encouragment that this is the right path. I’d like to reach that goal by Sunday.
The reassurance and support will come from this success, but also from my friends and family. They will no longer say “Now that you’re not working” or if they do say it, those words won’t change what I *know* to be true.
I am willing to accept support and success in any other way it would like to manifest this week.
I am open.
I am ready.
I am feeling able to do this thing!
I found really great hangers at Target yesterday and thought of you. And then I realized that hangers = yoga teacher is an odd connection 🙂
Wishing you a lovely week!
Taras last blog post..One More Day!
Havi-
A very fast, very short note to say, these personal ads continue to come to fruition, faster and better than I could imagine. And without going into too much detail, let me say one of them was about taking a big leap, and having a net- that one would appear, for sure, and maybe even better than I expected. The net I got was so secure, and safe and comforting that you would be astounded. So thank you. *** 🙂
Ingrid
I’m freezing up just trying to focus on one thing to ask for. I have been having many epiphanies lately, one of which is that my art needs to be telling me a story for me to enjoy working on it and for it to have greater meaning in the outer world. Which may have been obvious to someone outside my head looking at my work, but which was a huge eye opener to me.
To help me clarify some things I have declared July a month of
Silence; trying to go no tv, but in this house it is more like tv lite. I am asking to hear that “still small voice”
Making things; asking for the funding to enable me to make art without any expectations of it (ie not expecting to sell it so I don’t get all wrapped up in “will this sell” and therefore can be freer and make fun stuff)
I am ready to incorporate new practices to help me achieve these things. And I am ready, or at least willing, to change and grow. And so I am asking for the ability to become a Shivanaut.
This could happen by:
Someone buying some art through my etsy shop, filling my PayPal balance to the appropriate amount.
Someone I know seeing the website and saying “I don’t know why, but this made me think of you and so here it is”
Someone having an extra copy and holding a drawing.
Someone bartering art for a copy.
I commit to:
Following the program.
Clearing the space in my home to follow the program.
Not hiding from any epiphanies which occur from the program.
Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. 🙂
Thank you. 😀
Andis last blog post..Wishing
My friend has given me a possible option for next year, and my other friend has been chucking suggestions at me – hooray!
Asking for this kind of thing is hard for me. But I’m going to try anyway.
Thing 1: A job I love
What I Want: A job I will love, that will challenge me and put me in places I’d never imagine I’d be but still find interesting rather than terrifying. With good benefits and a willingness to work with my odd schedule needs.
Ways This Could Happen: * Someone could mention something to me that sounds interesting and I would check it out
* I could stumble across a Help Wanted ad that intrigues
* Something else that I can’t think of right now
My Commitment: To give this job the best I can. To be friendly to my co-workers and not bundle too far back in my hermit’s cave. To communicate clearly with my boss about my needs and not spring surprises on her.
To not worry about not finding in a job in the current economy.
To make things.
Havi- I post infrequently but read daily. I love this blog and you get it. Man, do you get it.
So, I’m taking a chance here with verbalizing my personal ad…
Personal ad:
Me: Wonderful dog trainer who focuses on building the bond between you and pooch. Only humane and positive techniques, no alpha-dominance ewwey-gooey or smash-your-dogs-nose-into-the-floor meanness or sit-stay-come roboting. Focus on reward and developing spiritual sense through learning to communicate with your best friend. Loves problem cases, so-called lost causes. You: Frustrated enough to seek help but not to give up. Able to see and reward small progresses in others. Willing to see and reward small progresses in yourself!
Ways this could happen:
–increase my voice by being more visible in local neighborhoods
–talk to rescues, offer free services to foster families.
–keep answering my phone especially when i don’t know the number
I commit to doing one thing every day to increase my voice and presence in the community. I commit to rewarding small progresses in myself!
You are all in my thoughts and I am hoping the best for all
PS. Zora, if you’re reading this… about the OCD. I get it and send you love and light. I’ve been managing depression and anxiety disorder for 7 years. Dr. John LaPook has some great articles on managing OCD (one recently in HuffPo.) Good luck!
melissas last blog post..ache
Havi,
what an amazing series…your posts, all the comments…thanks so much to one and all.
ps. what does Selma want?
Thank you, Melissa! I really appreciate it. 🙂
@Jean – what a lovely question. What *does* Selma want? I think she really likes being appreciated, especially since she is such a big part of everything I do and weirdly I tend to get the credit for it.
So Selma wants appreciation. And she really likes to dance. 🙂
Guys, these ads are fantastic. Reading them is really powerful. And I find it amazing that even though we all feel weird and uncomfortable about the asking, there is something really CLEAR about just getting it straight.
This whole “oh, yeah, this is what I want” and the “oh, yeah, this is what I’m afraid will happen” — it just seems really useful. Love it!